Thursday, December 29, 2016

An Open Letter to Jeremy

May 11th was the last time I saw you and I don't miss you anymore.

We went for a hike, and you dropped me off to hang out with my friends, and you told me, "Don't get too drunk. I don't want you talking about me to your friends and letting them convince you to not be with me."

Later that night I found out you had been sleeping with our friend. I will never, ever forgive you for that.

We went for a hike and we had a great time. You didn't want to go to the top because you were too scared. I wanted to, so I did.

You finally made it but complained the whole time. When I went on to the top without you, you nearly lost it.

What a giant metaphor for our time together.

I want to say that I wish I'd never met you. But I don't know if that's true. Before I met you, I was a fucking moron when it came to relationships. I always dated guys that were below me. I dated guys that treated me like shit. That made me pay for everything. I can't think of a time that I have ever gotten flowers for no reason.

You once told me, "You've never deserved flowers."

That might've been the same day you knocked me unconscious. But from what you said, apparently I deserved it.

I wouldn't be the person I am today without you. I now know that I'd rather be alone than with anyone who would treat me the way you did. I now know that I am much, much stronger than I realize.

So in a way I guess I'd like to thank you. For taking all my money and refusing to pay me back. For beating me into the ground. For making me think that I wasn't worth anything. For constantly telling me that my life was a joke.

I would've never realized that I am so, so much greater than you will ever be. Thank you for trying to put me in an early grave, because you made me realize who I am. I am not who I was with you. And I never will be again.

May 11th was the last time I saw you, and I never want to see you again. I never want to speak another word to you. I don't want to know anything about your life. I've never hated and been so grateful to one person. I hate you. But I am the person I am today because of you. So, thank you. Because of you I found my freedom.

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