Wednesday, May 18, 2016

One Year

It's has been one year today since I made the very important decision to leave my husband.
One year since I officially relinquished my title as depressed, abused, drunk, lonely, broken housewife.
It's hard to believe such little time has passed. It feels like it was just yesterday, yet it also feels forever ago.
A year ago on a sunny, cool spring morning in Newport, Oregon my Aunt drove a six hour round trip from Portland to rescue me. That day I felt a state of shock that I could only compare to the few hours after finding out my mom had died. I stayed on the phone the whole time with my dad's amazing girlfriend who coached me through packing what I absolutely needed. I was numb, frantic, and wildly unsure.
When I finally got to Portland my two friends Tess and Scott took me in under their wings, and sheltered me as best they could while encouraging me to fly. I cried and drank and melted down for at least three weeks. Cay visited me with pizza I couldn't eat. Ally whole heartedly supported and listened to me every step of the way. I welcomed everyone publicly into my personal hell.
When I finally started allowing the sun to hit my face, like it hadn't in years, I realized I couldn't just live off my sweet friends forever. And with zero dollars in my bank account, and a crushing debt leftover from a failed marriage, I found a job. My poor, sweet coworkers probably didn't think much of me, just that their newest employee sure did cry a lot in the break room, and man does she eat a lot of those free granola bars.
I stand here today not because I did it on my own. I stand here because of every single one of you. I have never felt such support, love, and genuine care as when I finally moved back to Portland. I could never have found the courage inside me if you all hadn't told me it was there. One year ago I was the worst person I have ever known. For four years my mind and body were twisted into something unrecognizable. I became someone who I'm not. I ignored my family, friends, and myself. Every day is a battle to regain myself, and I blame all of you, my friends and family, for arming me to fight.
So, today I wanted to say thank you. I don't say it enough. Thank you all so much. You've given me the best gift anyone could ask for.

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