Sunday, December 12, 2010

Waiter Rant or, An Exericise in Vulgarity

Alright, everyone knows that waiting tables pretty much sucks, a lot of the time. This is because we have unrealistic expectations of the amount of work we must do versus how much money we get paid. This may sound familiar, because it is how EVERY job typically goes. However, ours is much more personal, because it is the various people who sit at our tables who dictate how much we make. Instead of being angry at our bosses, or some unknown higher up, we get to be angry at you, and you and you and you, because you are sitting in our booth. Sorry, but this is how it is.

I did not go to college to wait tables. I absolutely did not go to college to be belittled by dumbass people who are angry about the timing of their food. While to you, I'm sure it seems logical to yell at everyone in a restaurant uniform about your empty Mountain Dew or that side of ranch you desperately need, you fat ass. Do you have any idea how fucking ridiculous I feel when having to name every single side that comes with our burgers to every single person at your table because you are too lazy to pay attention to me the first time, or to perhaps, I don't know, read the fucking menu?

It was a busy afternoon, and I went back to the kitchen to run other server's food, because I was bored to shit. I deliver two of the largest appetizers we have to a table in the bar. I do a double take, because the table where I am supposed to take them already has burgers on it. They look at me and say, "Well there they are."
"Oh, I'm sorry, these must not have come before your meal." I say.
"No, and I sure as hell am not going to eat them now." The heinous fucking bitch says to me, her voice dripping with self-importance.
"Well... should I take them back or do you want to eat them?"
"I'm not really sure what to do here." The man, obviously uncomfortable because his woman needs something to yell at, and he's scared shitless that it's going to be him again.
"I can go talk to your server, you won't be paying for them."
"Take them away!"
Really? Really? Fucking relax. At this point I'm almost laughing because the couple are SO furious that they didn't get two dishes before their entrees, which they probably couldn't have even finished in the first place, let alone the giant 1,500 calorie burgers landing next. (We have the nutrition facts. Don't eat at our restaurant.) As I walk away, I hear, aimed at the back of my head, a series of words that not only set my blood boiling, but made me question everything about life, the universe, and everything.

"That's why they're called appetizers!!!" As if I'm the stupidest person she's ever met. Have you seen me once during the entirety of your stay at this restaurant? What makes you think I have any idea what you ordered or when? 

Bitch you probably can't even spell appetizers. What the fuck makes you so important that you feel like you can talk to me that way? What have I ever done to you? This is our first and last interaction on Earth, and this is how you would like to be represented? I honestly cannot even describe to you how infuriated I was because it was such a demeaning comment. How dare you. I know she and I will never meet again, but if you've ever done something like this to a person taking the only job available in this economy to make ends meet- HOW DARE YOU.

Today a woman said to me, "I'll take the clam chowder." I explained to her that, no we did not have clam chowder, we have clam chowder on Fridays. "Uh, YOU don't have ANY CLAM CHOWDER??!!" At this point, what would you have said? What would this accomplish? Oh yeah, I'll go check in the back and see if the kitchen accidentally made some clam chowder, even though every Thursday for the last 16 years, it's been broccoli cheddar. What you have managed to accomplish is the fact that I now will be irritated for the next 6 hours of my general lack of importance in life and I will pay zero attention to your table. Hope you didn't want another Iced Tea, because now your waitress wants to murder herself. Happy? I sure as shit am, having to wait on stupid fucking ignorant people like you on a day to day basis.

While we may be a slight blip on your day to day radar, but we are people too. Start being nicer.

1 comment:

  1. thanks for writing this, you have expressed exactly how i feel having worked in this industry.